Here are some Warhammer jokes I found funny. Some are rather rediculous but I love the ball bearing cannon one... you'll see. Hahahaha!

50 Ways to Annoy your Opponent ( Then another 50 more ways!)

Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best course of action.
Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Everytime a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.
Bring a falsified rulebook ( hours of fun ).
Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a lot.
Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome, claim that you have won the game. Look upset if your opponent denies this. Sulk.
Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses. Refuse to let your opponent look at them. Refer to them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone there, so contingency plan 8a means that I should..."
Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your opponent if you get any bad rolls.
Before the game, do a little dance and motion to the gods. Curse your opponent dramatically.
Arrive before your opponent. Set up your army and then take the other side of the table. Act as if you are expecting to play with your opponent's army.
Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball bearings.
Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have won the game through his forfeit.
Play dead if your general dies.
Bring a Land-raider model from 40K. Leave it sitting conspicuously on your side of the table. Make cryptic references to the power of laser cannon in WHFB.
Complain that you don't think you can trust your hero.
Act as if you are a sports commentator. Commentate on the game. Incessantly.
Ask politely if your opponent wouldn't kill your general. Explain that its his birthday.
Bring a smoke machine. Insist on recreating the "fog of war".
Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a craft knife.
Arrange models in a diorama in the middle of the battle. Take photos for a "battle report."
Sharpen your goblins' spears before the game with a craft knife. Grin widely.
Cackle diabolically. "The World is mine! Nothing can stop me now!"
State before the game that you are playing for the title of the champion of the universe.
Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him well."
Lament the woes of war loudly. Faint when a model dies.
Add sound FX. Kaboom!
Ask if you can have TV rights to the game.
Just to surprise your opponent, agree amicably with and compliment your opponent!
Declare that you are opposed to the senseless destruction of our forests. Refuse to let him kill your treemen. Refuse to let him move through woods.
Insist on a lunch break for your troops. Bring a model Mr. Whippy Van.
Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.
Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick march, on the double- hut!"
Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small spherical device. Give no other reasons.
Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde of admirers to cheer you on.
Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.
Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your troops if they fail to salute you.
Cheer on your miniatures.
Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent drag you out. Speak in a nervous whisper. Confide in him that you are scared of his troops.
Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your opponent starts to read it, but leave it visible.
Pull out an ace surreptitiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to play it.
Keep a deck of Magic the Gathering cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic phase" bring out the cards and start to shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.
Speak in Skaven. Neek- Neek!
Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you start to roll ones.
Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at your opponent accusingly if they don't immediately come true. Ask him if he's used it.
Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going to play. If he says warhammer, bring out an antique mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.
Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.
Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At the end of your deployment, use a small explosive device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard behind it while you yell, "poof!". When the smoke dissipates, say, "Tadaa!"
Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.
Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.
Come with an army painted completely flora purple. Wear dark glasses.
Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if your opponent looks at you questioningly. Deny everything.

50 MORE Ways to Annoy Your Opponent

Refer to your miniatures only by their first name.
Refer to his miniatures only by their first name.
Try to bribe his units over to your side.
Three words: Pastel Color Scheme.
Rent advertising space on your unit banners.
Offer your opponent the chance to surrender before the battle starts.
Dress in character.
Perform a play by play commentary in a Howard Cossell voice.
Speak only in third person.
Use huge brass dice. Roll them dangerously close to your opponent's figures.
Use only the little red dice from Warhammer Quest.
Only roll one die at a time.
Play Britney Spears. Insist that is it "battle music." Put it on repeat.
Name all your characters after obscure Hungarian royalty. Become annoyed if your opponent fails to notice.
Claim your army is comprised of all women. When pressed, explain they are all in disguise as to not get kicked out of the army.
Place a hammer on the table before the battle starts. Explain it is there to insure loyalty.
Quote Sun Tzu often, but only irrelevantly.
Every time one of his miniatures has unrestricted LOS to a target, say 'check'.
Suggest obviously suicidal tactics to your opponents. Explain that 'that's what Custer would do'.
Perform a rousing speech to your troops before the battle. Pose like Mussolini at the end.
Secretly replace your opponent's miniatures one at a time with miniatures from other games.
Claim your miniatures are proxied for another regiment, though that has no bearing on game play whatsoever.
Place all of your infantry on individual monster bases.
Flock your bases with sand. Do not use glue.
Take a halftime break to play with your Blood Bowl cheerleaders.
In rules disputes, reference on Hoyle's book of games.
Place NASCAR-like ads all over your vehicles.
Demand to change table sides at the halfway mark.
Use Play-doh miniatures. When one is killed, pound it into the table with your fist angrily.
When your figure reaches the opponent's table side, demand it be kinged.
Measure distances only with a yardstick.
On a bad roll, swear a blue streak. Use only obscenities approved Judge Dredd.
Sob uncontrollably while removing casualties.
When you win, dump a tub of Gatorade on your commander.
Include the word 'whoopass' on your army list as often as possible.
Don't move your army. Don't fire. Flee when charged.
Proxy a unit of O-scale cows for your commander's bodyguard. Don't forget to give them weapons.
Converts all wheeled models into lowriders. Including cannons and chariots.
Try to play multiple games at once like Gary Kasparov.
Discuss tactics with your troops. Become argumentative.
Four more words: Regis Philbin paint scheme.
In a rules dispute, check 1st, 2nd and 3rd Edition 40k Rulebooks, "just to make sure the rules don't change in each book."
Use a paintball gun to remove casualties. For both sides.
Write army list in pig latin and binary.
Fuzzy dice.
Start each game with the national anthem.
Have an inner monologue during the game. Digress frequently.
During your opponent's turn, yodel.
Each turn replace your commander with a new figure.
After a good die roll, do a victory dance and spike the die.
Write battle report during game. Take at least five minutes to write information between die rolls.

Ok, ok fess up time: These aren't my jokes, I stole them from somebody who stole them from a funny somebody. I still don't know who thought these up, but if you did, thanks for the laugh!