HEEEEEEYYYYYYYY there sports fans, and welcome to another night of BLOOODBOOOWWWWWLLL!!!
I’m Bob Bright Smile and we’ve got a game for you!
Tonight we are in the subterranean pitch of Skavenblight where the home team ‘Sons of Roland’ captained by Cluny the Scourge meet ‘The Ironbeards’ captained by Grimman Metalbuster. Both teams are full of fresh young players looking to make a name for themselves, though The Ironbeards are coached by a dwarf who was the assistant coach to the ‘Grudge Throwers’ - so we’re likely to see some league tricks. Uh oh……..was that a tremor? I think we may be having some seismic activity in the underground today.
May I remind those listening at home that today’s match is to settle territory rights to a mine in the Grey Mountains? As mining is thirsty work, remember Blood Bowl is support by our sponsor Bloodwiser, for those undead who want a bit more life!
As the crowd settles, we’re told we have a staggering 17,000 fans here today - nine thousand dwarfs and seven thousand Skaven - though it looks like the dwarfs have travelled en masse today. The barrels have already been opened - and that’s just because the dwarf cheerleader has come onto the pitch.
The coin is tossed, and The Ironbeards have chosen to receive. Ironbeards have taken the standard ‘shield wall’ defensive position with their longbeards on the centre line, slayer and blitzers supporting on the wings, runners a few paces back. Sons of Roland line up throwers at the rear, gutter runners & blitzers to the wings and line rats meeting the dwarfs on the scrimmage line.
There’s the kick……and it’s high, Runbar has moved to catch and caught safely. The skaven line has buckled with the initial push by the longbeards, Runbar runs up and hands off to Barrun who sprints off down the wing, look at those stunty legs move! Slayer and blitzer are trying to clear a path. Skaven move up their second line to intercept, can the Ironbeards break the defence?
The scrimmage line is in carnage, the Sons of Roland can’t seem to disentangle themselves from the longbeards' grasp, and it’s become a bit of a bloodbath down there. I don’t know what the dwarfs have padded out their armour with but it’s sending those rats flying. Blitzer and runners sprinting from the other wing to help, but there is some tail pulling going on.
Oooh, bit of a tremor there, and looks like one of the skaven throwers - Wormtail - has been struck by a falling rock and is out cold. The dwarf slayer has worked himself into a frenzy and is clearing a path, Barrun sprints along the wing, he’s unopposed - TOUCH DOWN!!!!!
One To The Ironbeards, looks like they’ve been working hard in the mines to get into shape for this match.
The teams are lining up again, Sons of Roland are a couple of players down now. Sons of Roland line up, changing their position to try to take advantage of their agility. Dwarfs take an aggressive stance, but the two runners are at the back ready to intercept. There’s the kick, and the skaven are quick to move, their line has broken away from the dwarf centre line.
Darkclaw the only thrower scoops up the ball, and passes to Cheesethief the gutter runner, he’s caught it, he’s sprinting down the wing. Wow, this rat can run! He’s in the dwarf half……..ooh, that must’ve hurt, he might be fast, but his tail's been caught whilst trying to duck under the dwarf blitzer arm and he’s down, the ball is bouncing free. Runbar has picked it up, and is running back up the wing, again the slayer and blitzer are trying to create a path, but the skaven have back-tracked to block the way.
He’s down! Runbar is down, after trying to take on a thrower in his path. Ball’s in the crowd, bouncing around - and back into the centre of the skaven half. A thrower has picked it up, and is sprinting towards the centre line, throwing it high over the line of scrimmage; where did that gutter runner come from? Fangburn's deep in the dwarf half, but he’s fumbled the catch, a longbeard and Barrun have broken away from the centre line to try and intercept. The longbeard fumbles the pickup - back to Fangburn - to Barrun, it’s a real scrap there. THE LONGBEARD HAS IT! He’s heading up the pitch, and there is the whistle for the end of the half. Just as well, as its bloody mess down there, a few of the skaven team are out of the match. We’ll hear how they are doing later.
At the close of the first half the scores stand:
Ironbeards 1, Sons of Roland 0
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Welcome back, we are live at the subterranean stadium of Skavenblight, where the Sons of Roland are competing against the Ironbeards for mining rights in the Grey Mountains. So far it’s 1-0 to the Ironbeards and the sons of Roland have taken some severe damage, but have managed to revive a couple of their stunned rodents.
The dwarfs' turn to kick, again have lined up; aside from the runners they all seem to be on the line. The home team have taken some casualties already and are lacking numbers on the field.
There’s the kick - wait, what is this? The crowd is swarming onto the pitch, I think they’ve been having too much of Bugman’s finest. The enforcement squads are out and cracking skulls to get the crowd back into the stands. They are really out for blood.
Well, the field looks clear again, though the teams have taken a bit of a hit from some overzealous fans, half the Ironbeards are on the ground and a few of the sons of Roland are down too. But taking advantage of the confusion the Sons of Roland have scooped up the ball and passed to the gutter runner Cheesethief, who is sprinting down the wing. The dwarf slayer has dropped back and is closing the gap, will he make it?. Ouch!He’s launched the runner into the crowd and the crowd are after blood. The stretcher trolls are wading through and it doesn’t look good for Cheesethief, this is one vicious crowd today.
The ball is thrown back into play, it’s landed deep in The Ironbeards' half, and already Runbar is chasing the ball from the other side of the field. The Sons of Roland line rats are being covered by the longbeards and being knocked to the ground each time they get up. Blitzer Redtooth is attempting to disentangle himself - but once more his tail has been grabbed and he’s down. The stretcher trolls have been called out again, he doesn’t look like he can carry on. Runbar hands off the ball to Barrun and he’s off up the wing. These two have been working well this match, favouring the hand off to the pass. With the Ironbeards marking players, the Sons of Roland are being held back, Barrun has a clear path... TOUCH DOWN!!!!!
2-0 to the Ironbeards. We’re half way through the second half and the Sons of Roland are looking worse for wear, with less than 6 of them able to continue the match, and The Ironbeards don’t seem to be slowing in sending them to the dugout. It’s going to be a hard fight to pull back from this.
Both teams line up, Sons of Roland are down to half their team and reports from the dugout aren’t too good, they taken a heavy beating and this crowd are baying for more blood. There’s the kick…and it’s long! Sons of Roland start with the ball in possession. Wait, not again! The security has been overrun once more, and the crowd is invading the pitch. The presence of warpstone in the halls is getting to everyone; whilst the crowd is being subdued let’s hear from our sponsors.
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And we’re back. With the crowd finally back in their seats, four of The Ironbeards and a couple of the Sons of Roland are stunned on the field. They’re off, the skaven are making their way through the dwarfen lines, because of the crowd’s involvement there is an opening in the Ironbeards' defence, will the Sons of Roland be able to exploit this? They’re making a desperate play through the defensive line. Oh no! he’s down - and with a 200lb dwarf on top. That, ladies and gentlemen, doesn’t include the armour and padding!
The ball is loose, Barrun has scooped it up and is back down the field, he’s in the skaven half.
Oh, my - Barrun has been struck by a falling rock and he is down and stunned. This goes to show how thick a dwarf skull is, ladies and gents; but he’s lost the ball. Skaven move in to take advantage, but the dwarfs have separated them and marked two on one, they are moving nowhere fast.
Rocks are raining from the sky, I’m not sure whether it’s tremors in the earth or the noise this crowd is making that has caused it. Another dwarf down stunned, the Sons have taken a worse blow. The stretcher trolls are having to take a large rock off the pitch and unfortunately one of the skaven team will have to be peeled off it - not even the necromancer could make use of that mess.
In the closing minutes of the game, Runbar is sprinting up the field and panting hard. What’s this? Half the dwarf team have clustered in the middle of the pitch! Oh dear. With Runbar making a last-ditch attempt to score, some of the Ironbeards look like they are settling an old grudge with the Skaven captain, who is taking a good kicking.
*PEEP! PEEP! PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
That is the end of the match, ladies and gentlemen! Runbar, just a few yards away from the touch line, throws down the ball and is already grumbling about not making it any further.
Final score stands at Ironbeards 2, Sons of Roland 0.
Let’s go to the locker rooms for the aftermath interview. Jim?
Thanks Bob. Well, I’m in the Sons of Roland locker room and it’s more of a hospital wing here with what’s been happening out there, they took it rough today and it’s a good job we have some…..well, I suppose ‘surgeons’ is the right word. Casualty reports are in and they are not good. Of the seven injured, two have been bandaged up and will be fit and well for the next game. There are two who - well - are one eye short of a pair, literally. A couple have broken jaws, they’ll be blending their cheese for a while, and of course our earthquake victim. Well, let’s just say that there’ll be a stew later on tonight.
I’ll see if I can get a few words with the Captain, Cluny, known as the Scourge.
Cluny? Any comment’s on today’s match?
We played well, but dwarf armour is thick-thick, dwarf skull is thick-thick. We learn more, we play better next time-time. We now have to find new place to mine-mine.
Thank you Cluny. As you can guess, morale is a bit low with this defeat, but the crowd still love them.
Back to you Bob.
Thanks Jim, sad indeed, but I’m sure they’ll be padding their armour out for their next match.
Now let’s go to the Ironbeards locker room to see how they are getting on. Ed?
Thanks Bob, I’m here in the Ironbeards locker room, the ale is already flowing in here and as you can probably hear behind me there is a great deal of celebration. Not only for the match, but for the victory over the mining rights. If I can just get the captain of the team, Grimman Metalbuster? Grimman, Grimman! Congratulations on your victory and I can present you with the deeds for the West face Grey Mountain mining rights. How do you feel?
Bloody brilliant, y’know how much we can get out of those mines! Plus, who doesn’t enjoy giving them ratties a tail pullin’?
Well quite. I’ll let you get back to your celebrations, and back to you Bob.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us in the subterranean pitch under Skavenblight, I’ve been Bob Brightsmile - join us next time for more BLOODBOWWWWLLL!!!
Now let’s get out of this pit, it stinks down here and I need a drink.